Weight issues….me…..never!

09/06/2009 at 11:23 am (Uncategorized) ()

Ummm well this is a very touchy subject for me, but I guess that to move on from it…..I need to get it off my chest, and you, dear readers, are the ones I’m offloading it too…..Thanks!!

Up until I was 19, I was a normal sized, healthy girl…..never concerned about my weight at all, was able to buy whatever clothes I wanted, and felt good about myself……then I met Phil (future husband!)

I didn’t fancy him straight away (although if you ask him he would say I did!) We were friends first, and we used to travel to and from work together. It took me a few weeks to realise that, yes he was kinda cute, and maybe I did fancy him! It was at this moment, something shifted in my brain….I started to think I was too fat for anyone to find me attractive, and I thought Phil wouldn’t be interested in a fat, ugly girl like me.

I was 5ft 4 in,  9 and a half stone, and a size 12….hardly a blimp! But I thought I was huge…..and started to skip breakfast.

I started to skip lunch…….

A couple of months later Phil and I got together…….I was a size 8 at this point and was going all day on maybe half a sandwich, and an apple if I was lucky. Of course I thought I looked fab….I could feel my ribs and my hip bones….This was the thinnest I had ever been……..

 After having been with Phil for a year and a half, he asked me to marry him on my 21st birthday…….fast worker eh!! But then again, I am very special!! 🙂 And after a month of blissful engagement….I found out I was pregnant….and I cried, for about an hour…..solid.

Over the course of my pregnancy I put on 4 stone…I looked like the size of a house! And although I didn’t stuff my face everyday, I ate more than I had done in the past 2 years.

After my son was born, I thought that all this weight I had put on would miraculously disappear…..I was wrong! I was a size 16 and totally and utterly miserable….which made me eat more…which in turn, pushed my weight up further….and I found myself a size 18.

In the years between having my son and daughter I tried probably ever diet know to man…..Weight Watchers, Grapefruit Diet, Cabbage Soup Diet, Slimming World, Scottish Slimmers..the list goes on!! Some were successful…some not so….but with every diet I got more and more depressed, and frustrated about my fluctuating weight.

I had my Daughter in 2003, and luckily for me I only put on baby weight with her, which all went after she was born. But I was still carrying the excess weight from the years before….so I was back to square one!

Once again the quest for the perfect diet began, and I went through them all again, but in 2005 I heard about a diet pill being given out on prescription from the doctor….finally a light at the end of the tunnel!! I was on the phone almost immediately to make an appointment!!

The doctor checked my blood (6 vials of it I’ll have you know!!) Blood pressure (surprised I had any left) Weight (??) height, cholesterol (low by the way!) And then he asked ….”so Angela, why are you so fat” Well I wanted a hole to open up in the floor, and swallow me! I stuttered the answer….”well I’ve had 2 kids” He raised his eyebrow at me, and then continued to write out a prescription for Reductil weight loss pill.

Before I started taking it I read the leaflet that came with it……Warning may cause ; Diarrhoea, constipation (at the same time??), insomnia, bloating, dry mouth, decreased sexual drive (wtf!!) the list went on…but it was worth it if I lost weight………..wasn’t it??

It worked!!! I lost 2 and a half stone in 4 months!! I wasn’t down to what I wanted, but I felt great again!! The best I had felt in years 🙂 The doctor was pleased, and said that now I was in a healthy weight range for my height, I could come off the pills. I have to admit, a little bit of panic shot through me, but as he was writing the prescriptions, I had no choice.

Well my panic was well justified, as I slowly started to put the weight back on again. The tablets I was on, suppressed my appetite, I was basically eating 1 meal a  day. So when I cam off the pills, my appetite came back. Before I knew it, I was back to a size 16 again 😦

And so my weight continues to fluctuate…..I go up and down like a yoyo….my clothes in my wardrobe go from a size 14 to an 18. I have very low self esteem, and am deeply unhappy with the way I look. I often pray for a miracle…hoping the fat fairy’s have visited me in the night and give me a tummy tuck and liposuction, and I wake up looking gorgeous! But alas…I am still waiting for that to happen!!

So I’m now pinning my hopes on a lottery win, so I can have it all sucked out and cut off….or maybe go down the Fern Britton route, and get myself a gastric band……I suppose I could always find myself a sugar daddy….any offers!!!!!!

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